I wrote this a year ago, in Sept. 2013 and am republishing it.
It’s been a disheartening 18 months.
“Disheartening” in the sense of “I have no heart for anything,” and it makes me sad. It makes me wonder why I did all the soul and spiritual work I have done, only to feel so adrift and washed out. Nothing personally horrible is going on either, so i’m worried how poorly I’ll react to real problems.
A friend reminded me that the energies have been especially harsh. That made me feel better, because despite my low mood and dire thoughts, I knew it just wasn’t like me. Like menopause maybe, but not like me.
There was enough clearing today to actually meditate and ask my guides for information. I met Eldor, who reminds me of a Tree spirit, or a Fey. We meet in this clearing that’s full of fallen oak leaves, and there’s a cabin there. I asked him about the harsh energies, and he said yes, there are harsh energies, and we are like sponges. What can I do about how I feel? He said to find comfort, and what I saw in my mind, was my wonderful bed, and big pillows. He meant find physical comfort, like good music and food I enjoy. And drink water to remove toxins. (It seems like all guides give this message.)
So I went out on a limb, for me, and asked if I was achieving my soul mission and he said no. I lurched out of meditation for a moment, afraid my ego was interfering. But I went back and he explained that my soul purpose is to hold the light and space for people. As a tree is an anchor for me, so I should be that for others. A human/divine connection in an internet-connection world.
I’ve felt this was my purpose before, but of course, it didn’t seem important enough, or grand enough. Shouldn’s I write books, lecture, lead? I’m a college graduate! I should do more.
But maybe one of my lessons in this incarnation is to “be.” Not to “do” so much. This is hard for me, because as an achievement-oriented American, I feel it is slacking to do “less.”
My favorite podcast “Psychic Teachers”, talked about ascension symptoms, specifically the transition of adult Indigo children into crystal energy. The sumptoms sounded like menopause on steroid, and while I don’t claim to be an Indigo, a lot of their conversation could’ve been about me.
I’m not trying to sluff off my responsibility for my emotions, however, there is comfort in thinking that it may not be “all my fault/me;” that environment, hormones and energy can really bring on physical symptoms.
So the next step is how to release all this.
I’ve been calling in my angels, and if you’ve read my Blog post, you know that’s more of an intellectual exercise for me. Still, I’m calling on AA Michael and Co. to cut cords and remove negative attachments, and I’m clutching crystals all the time. With a little luck and support (I’m looking at you, Spirit Guides) this too shall pas